aSalaam uAlaikum and Good Morning My Stylish Sisters!
Up until a couple of months ago I hated sleeping. I had so many other things I wanted to do with my days (and nights) that I often wished that Allah swt had made me with some kind of charger that could just be plugged into the wall for a couple of hours a day.
The house was never clean enough, I had never studied enough, I hadn't read all the books I wanted to read, I hadn't played with my daughter enough or spent enough time with my husband. The list went on and on of excuses why to stay up, instead of getting the sleep I needed.
Then in the last couple of months that has all changed. You see sisters, I have reached a bit of a speedbump. I am not the super motivated perfectionist Mujahada that you have come to know. I've gotten lazy...even lethargic.
I realized a couple of days ago I just need to admit the fact that I'm a bit blue.
This last couple of years has been really tough for me. My personal life has been uprooted more than once, and thrown into turmoil by people surrounding me. I have had to move five times since my daughter was born two years ago. And I don't mean to say all of this to complain, but simply because I think it's time that I face the music and pull myself out of this rut.
The weird thing is, I still avoid sleep like the plague. For some reason my dreams are never happy, and when I wake up from sleeping I actually feel worse than when I laid down.
Tonight while I was doing everything possible to keep from going to bed I heard screaming in the neighborhood behind my house. There was a man's voice yelling at a woman to stop screaming, and I could hear someone being hit with something loud. I called the police, but by the time they arrived the screams had stopped and I don't think they found anything. It was scary to me, but as I called to the police wandering the street below I realized they were probably wondering who this crazy woman was sitting in her window waiting for some kind of excitement to happen. *sigh*
Anyways...I have to find a way to get out of this funk sisters. My husband suggested I get back into something creative....which would be wonderful if I could figure out a way to get my sewing machine back from Amman (it's a looooong story). My mom suggested I make a small goal for myself each day that I can feel good about crossing off my list before going to bed every night, which I am going to try to do tomorrow.
How about you amazing Muslimahs? Do you have any suggestions? What do you do to pull yourself out of a fog, and help feel better when you're not running at your optimal speed?
Well, I guess for now I'd better get some sleep. It's getting late, and before I know it my daughter will be shaking me awake to make her some breakfast.
Ma'Salaama and Sweet Dreams!
Fashionably Yours,
The (down in the dumps) Mujahada in Prada
P.S. The police didn't find anything. Insh'Allah what I heard was someone's TV and my overactive imagination (combined with watching too many episodes of Cops and The First 48) I'll keep you updated if I hear anything else.
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5 comments:
Well I hear you! I try daily to keep myself from falling into a funk. I have been really sick this year and hospitalized numerous times. I live away from my family--bla bla I could go on and on. But, I have done things to make myself feel better and I will share with you. Not to try and influence you but to let you know that your not the only one. I'm a white revert and I think it has it's own isolating quality. First of all, I'm not wearing hijab anymore and that's because I never wanted to wear it to begin with. I forced myself for five long years-enough. The discriminaiton was too much to bear and it does matter how people treat us you know. Second of all since blogging is my creative outlet I am now doing a mainstream blog on frugal living that has nothing to do with my faith. It's so nice because I now have tons of comments everytime I put a post out into the blogesphere. I am interacting with other American women who blog and it is so refreshing and enjoyable to have that connection with people! I was very frustrated before with blogging my heart out and having very little comments left for me. I always had a feeling that it was discrimination from Muslim women who knew I was American.
waAlaikum asSalaam waRamatullahi waBarakatuh habibti!
SubhanAllah! I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down! I think your mama has a great idea :) What did you do today? InshaAllah something great! Just so you know, I would have called the cops too in that situation. I think most people would have.
As far as getting out of a rut, I suggest reading Qur'an and hadith, even if it's for 10 minutes a day. Read articles online about those less fortunate than you. That always helps me, even when I'm feeling my lowest because there are always many people around, close by and far away who have it TONS worse. Make a list of all the things you have been blessed with and keep it on your fridge. I do that so I know I will look at it throughout the day ;) Make lots of dua too and play Qur'an (especially Surah alBaqarah) every couple of days. It keeps bad things away from your home.
You are in my dua. Love and salaams <3
You know what I have come to understand is that if I am in a funk or depressed it often is because I have not been true to my own needs. Maybe there is a change I need to make in my life or there is something I long to do to express myself. I think you need to ask yourself what's bringing you down and then take steps to change it. We all deserve to be happy. God does not change the condition of a person until they change what's within.
Hope your feeling better!!! I have been thinking about you and am a little worried!
I'm in the same boat as you are, except that my funk has been on for over a year now. I make excuses to NOT do anything, like looking for a job or trying to get my life in order. At times I felt like I'm living with some far fetched ideals rather than facing the truth head on. But I have noticed that when I start my day with a dua for waking up, then make wudu and pray fajr, then read Quran and then pray salat ul Ishraq, my day is much more productive than just pray fajr and go back to sleep.
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