aSalaam uAlaikum and Good Morning My Stylish Sisters!
Insh'Allah you all had a restful night's sleep. I am only on my first cup of coffee for the day, and won't fully wake up until at least the second or third so please forgive me for my typos.
First off this morning I would like to address a little issue that slightly hurt my feelings, and caused me not to write for this last week or so. As I'm sure most of you ladies have noticed I like to put a small poll at the upper right hand corner of my blog so I can keep my sisters involved in choosing the topics we discuss. This past poll I asked what you would like me to talk about next, and jokingly included an option that said "Nothing, we've heard enough" not realizing I was opening myself up to criticism. You can imagine my shock and disappointment when I logged on a few days ago and found someone had chosen this option.
I know it is impossible for everyone to like you all the time. It's actually something I've struggled with since a child, trying to spread myself too thinly in the effort of appeasing everyone's opinion regardless what my own personal beliefs were. It has gotten me hurt and disappointed in the past, and even though I'm grown up now it still hurts to know someone out there doesn't enjoy my posts.
I debated about not posting anymore, wondered if perhaps my time and efforts would be better spent elsewhere, and seriously considered giving up on blogging for good. But then I realized that if I stopped blogging, if I stopped meeting with you amazing Muslimahs from time to time, then I would be putting that ONE person's opinion above the 26 opinions of my fashionable followers. And that wouldn't be fair to all of you.
So, bottom line is this. There will be times in life that people don't agree with what you're saying. For one reason or another there may be a clash of personalities, a difference of opinion or some other obstacle between you and another person. Whatever the case may be, it's important that you listen to that person's opinion, but don't let it stop you from being yourself. Because for every one person who may NOT like you, there are probably twenty more who DO like you!
So, now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'd like to chat a bit about an issue that has come up several times throughout my years as a hijabi. It's something I've struggled with every so often, one that has caused me to experiment a bit and find a happy medium between my inner modest Muslimah and fashionista. The issue I'm talking about is: what is considered "good" hijab, and what is considered "bad" hijab?
There are those sisters who may feel that only black, grey, or browns are acceptable colors for a Muslimah, as well as others who feel that as long as their hair is covered it doesn't matter what color or print their scarf is. There are those who feel that we should wear only abaya or jilbab, and many who prefer to wear jeans or long skirts with tunics. The styles of hijab vary as much as the Muslimahs who wear them, and it's important that we consider the fact that each Muslimah is at a different point on her path in Islam before we judge her style of hijab.
Here are some pictures of different styles of hijab. Take a look at them, and pick out those you consider "good" or "bad" then ask yourself- why am I jumping to this conclusion? Don't worry- this is NOT a test; there are no right and wrong answers here. (well there probably are, but I'm not the one to be the judge of that-only Allah swt can judge our intentions)
So what do you think ladies, are any of these hijabis better than the other because her hijab style is better? When you walk through the mall and see a hijabi wearing tight jeans and a three quarter sleeve top do you automatically judge her or make a comment under your breath? I know it is only human to do this, it's hard to reserve judgement when you feel strongly that someone is not behaving in the way we feel is required of us. But instead, next time you see someone wearing something that you feel is "bad" hijab ask yourself this: How do you feel when someone judges you? Have you always been as strong as you are now in your faith, or at the point you are now on your personal path in Islam? Giving our fellow Muslims their 70 excuses is as much our responsibility as a Muslimah as is wearing hijab, so if we are jumping to these conclusions, in a way we are foregoing one Islamic duty for another.
Let's try to be a little more understanding of eachother. Of course it is our responsibility to kindly remind eachother if our intention is purely for the sake of helping our sister in Islam to follow the guidelines set forth for us. But at the same time, that hijabi you are judging, or backbiting, or pointing out and giggling over with your girlfriends at the mall is a Muslim like you, a daughter like you, and most importantly she is your sister in Islam.
Remember: Compassion is Always in Fashion!
Ma'Salaama and Enjoy Your Own Path!
Fashionably Yours,
The (far-from-perfect) Mujahada in Prada
P.S. Here is a link to a fatwa regarding this very subject. Insh'Allah you find it beneficial!
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9 comments:
Great post and very good points. I have to remind myself that even when I see "hijab" that A) someone may think what I'm wearing is "hijab" and B) even if the sister is not covering much, maybe she's on a journey to covering properly and taking the first steps.
And shake that off re: negative comment. They could have clicked it by mistake or just been full of vinegar (and other stuff) that day.
*Mwa*!
Aminah
Sister, I will give you my personal perception on why you may be feeling like it's pearls before swine often when it comes to this blog. I have been following your blog for awhile and I can say that I can tell you have a lot of style, class, and intelligence. Maybe just a little too much if you know what I mean. Muslim women tend to be among the most caty women I have ever dealt with. They seem to love nothing more than taking eachother down a notch or two. I hate to say this but I have experienced this same thing myself. It's a popularity contest and makes you feel like your in high school again. Then we have plain ol' prejudice. Your an American revert correct? Then you have the basic fact that Muslimas live to snub eachother unless of course you have the right name or lineage and then you will be showered with comments to your posts. But, ironic isnt it that some would claim everything I'm writing is not true while you know people are visiting and reading your blog-but where are the comments? Where is the true interest in what you have to share? I am tired of the judgement that stands between most sisters rendering any true sisterhood meaningless.
aSalaam uAlaikum to both sisters who commented (and anyone else reading this). Insh'Allah I will get better at giving feedback to my fabulous followers when they leave comments.
Anonymous-I am sorry to say that I totally agree with everything that you said. I can remember when I first reverted (yes I am an American revert)I had this fantastical view that as soon as I became a Muslimah (and a couple months later a hijabi alhamdulillah) I would immediately have a dozen or so modest, Allah-fearing, supportive sisters surrounding me, patting me on the back, and offering their knowledge and love to their sister in Islam. Throughout my years since I've reverted I have sadly learned time and time again that this is far from the truth. I know I was a bit naive assuming that just because a girl was Muslim that she would automatically be a great friend, but at that time I figured every Muslim closely followed the guidelines of the Qur'an and embraced the examples set forth by Sunnah. Since then I have realized (and had to accept) that this is not at all the case. That often times Muslimahs can be just as catty and backbiting as non-Muslims. Alhamdulillah I have found a handful of wonderful sisters who I consider to be amazing friends-many of them I met and know online. I have one dear friend who lives 30 minutes from me and another who lives at my "second home-town" where I spend many months out of the year. For these sisters I am sooo grateful and if I don't say it enough- I love you sisters! I really wish that all of us could be more supportive, more caring, and more sensitive of eachother and realize that one day we will all answer to our judgement and ill-treatment of our sisters in Islam (and everyone else for that matter). I wish we could realize that in this world it is hard enough to be a woman, and sometimes twice as hard to be a Muslimah...and we NEED this bond that should exist within the Ummah. Realistically though, I know it's a rare thing, and seems to be getting harder to find every day. All we can do is try our best to set an example for those sisters who may forget the guidelines given to us, who may fall into backbiting, judging eachother, or prejudice and racism. Insh'Allah we can all make du'a for eachother, kindly and gently remind eachother of our duties, and become a strong Ummah again. Because the truth is, there are enough enemies to Muslims, without us becoming enemies of ourselves.
Thanks again for your comments and Allah Ma'aku.
waAlaikum asSalaam habibti!
This was very thought provoking. As you know, I totally agree with what you posted as well as the comments. This is the exact reason why I stay alone and never put myself out there to actually meet Muslima's in real life. All my Muslim friends are online. After speaking with my daughter tonight I realized how very important it is for me to get out of my comfort zone and do my best to get involved and be the best sister in Islam I can be to other sisters. I think now that I am 4 years in on my journey of Islam I have more realistic expectations (i.e. don't expect anything at all) and I can handle the cattiness. Make dua about this my dear sisters, it truly is the best thing we can do for each other. Alhamdulilah for everything wa Allahu Akbar! Jazaki Allahu khairun for this post habibti!
Asalamu aliakum, sis
I really liked this post, a LOT. I often tell people- I started off hijab by wearing a 3 quarter sleeves short shirt on top of jeans. I now, by Allah's Grace, wear khimar, niqab and abaya, alhamdillah, alhamdillah. Never judge a person, lest the person you are looking at and mocking turns out to be a better Muslim(ah) than you!
Love aminah's comment.
And hey, totally forget that 'click'. Maybe the person was 'joking' back with you or by accidentally pressed it/never even read the blog and just clicked it/was having a rotten day.
only recently I truly embraced the Muslim faith. One of the major reason why it took me so long was because of the attitude displayed by most muslimahs I knew. I so not mean to insult anyone I am simply stating a truth as I saw it and still see it. Ladies you can cover every inch of your body, but if your character is in question. I was amazed at how judgemental and full of bitterness some of us are. I've traveled to several majority Muslim countries and one thing that I noticed in common with most women was that they love to gossip and criticize. To me that was very unpleasant experience. I think there is one thing that we need to remember. When we face final judgement, Allah will judge us alone, based on our actions and deeds. Not on what another sister is wearing, and whether you think she is wearing the proper thing or not. What you think is what would get you in trouble much more than anything else.
Assalamualaikum,
Hey..just keep doing what you do sister and yes it is hard to muslimah plus being yourself.
Waalaikumsalam
your friend
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